Learning To Breathe
by LoveX3You
Summary: Ha, this is just a high school story with stupidly funny things and a little romance. It's a story you won't regret reading. Pairings  SakuGaa, SakuSas, ShikaIno, NaruHin, LeeTema, and TenNeji. AN: I have to much fun naming these chapters. lol R & R :
1. Learning To Breathe

Learning to Breathe

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.

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_"Sakura," Sasuke told her softly, "I love you," Sakura's eyes glistened with her cheeks turning red. "Oh Sasuke, " she said just as soft, "I've always loved you,"..._

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"Today class, I would like you all to welcome a new student, his name is Gaara," Kakashi sensei introduced the weird redhead kid...

_---------_

_Sasuke slowly leaned forward as did Sakura to steal a kiss under the night sky. They parted, looking into each others eyes, "...and I'll always love you.." Sakura told him kissing him passionately..._

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"Hey, Sakura," Naruto whispered poking her forehead, "What do you think of what's his face? Gaara, yeah, that's it,"

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_"HEY! DON'T KISS HER!!!" Naruto shouted running towards them. Sakura sighed and Sasuke smirked. When Naruto got just close enough, a cliff appeared and he fell to his doom. Sakura smiled thinking to herself 'I love my dreams,' as they kissed again with Naruto's painful screams in the background._

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"Hey, Sasuke, what'cha think she's dreamin' about this time?" Naruto asked raising his eyebrows. Sasuke smirked, "With that smile probably your death," Naruto sweatdropped.

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_Naruto was falling to his ultimate doom, he was falling one hundred feet to and ocean of acid with man eating cow-fish._

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"Hey Sakura," Naruto whispered poking her again. She didn't budge, Naruto was getting irritated. "Sakura," he poked her a little harder, she groaned a little. "SAKURA!!!!!!" he shouted in her ear poking, but felt more like punching her rib cage. Sakura shot up yelling "NOOOOOOOOO!! NARUTO WAS SUPPOSE TO BE EATEN ALIVE BY A COW-FISH! DAMN IT!! WHO WOKE ME!!! C'MON!! I WAS MAKIN' OUT WITH SASUKE FOR GOD SAKES!"

The class stared, wide eyed, at the screaming pink haired girl on top of the desk. Gaara on the other hand, was smirking at her reaction.

"C'MON SHOW YOURSELF!!" she shouted to the class. Naruto slowly inched away from the insane girl. Sakura saw this in the corner of her eye and jumped on top of his desk. She bent down to his level "Naruto,"

Naruto gulped, "Yes?"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!" She shouted jumping up and down. Kakashi sensei had seen enough. He grabbed Sakura's waist pulling her down to the floor, trying to keep her from killing his student.

"SAKURA-KUN!!" he shouted. Sakura stopped, "Please refrain from killing any of my students within these forty-five minutes, after class I don't care what you do, you're someone else's problem," He told her calmly letting her go.

"Fifty bucks says Sakura would've kicked his ass," Neji told Lee. "YOU ARE ON, OH YOUTHFUL ONE," Lee shouted proudly. Neji sank in his seat, _'I knew I should've bet with Sasuke instead...' _he thought to himself as the kids laughed at monkey boy.

Before class had ended Kakashi told Sakura to show Gaara around. Little did he know that was a mistake.

On their way to Math with Ausma there was a loud silence. Sakura smiled at Gaara frowned back. "Ookkkk..." she muttered. "Hey can I ask you a question?" Sakura finally asked. Gaara didn't reply. "Why do you wear eyeliner?" Gaara sweatdropped, "I'm not,"

"Yes you are," Sakura argued back. "No I'm not," He told her sternly. "Whatever, creepy eyeliner man..."

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**Lunch**

Sakura was making her way out on the school yard. It was lunch and the girls loved to watch the guys play football...without their shirts. She had lost Gaara a few feet back when the guys stop to talk to him.

"So Gaara," Neji began, "Do you know how play football?" Gaara didn't answer. "I'll take that as a yes," Neji said putting an arm around him, "Hey Sasuke I found another player!" he yelled over to the raven-haired boy. He nodded and continued passing the ball to the blonde knuckle-head.

Neji had soon found out Gaara didn't know a thing about football, he even thought the ball was orange and round. "Hold it like this," Neji showed him the positioning, "And just throw it has hard as you can,"

Sasuke and Naruto were about fifty feet away awaiting the ball. Gaara took a step back and followed Neji's instructions. Unfortunately, Neji hadn't told him to NOT aim at random people, he had just figured that was common sense, one thing, Gaara obviously lacked.

Gaara took aim and threw it as hard as could, just like Neji instructed.

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Sakura was only about ten feet away from her friends waving at them as they waved oddly at her yelling "SAKURA!!" and pointing behind her. She didn't think nothing of it, after all her friends were freaks. Within seconds she found out that they weren't just acting like themselves.

Sakura fell hard to the ground when something, obviously going full force hit her in the head. "WHAT THE HELL!!" She groaned clutching her head. "What the fudge was that!!??"

Ino ran up to her, "Oh my gosh, are you OK?" Sakura gave her a death glare. "Ok, backing off..." Ino said backing away slowly. Then Sakura blacked out.

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Sakura found herself in Shizune's office. She was lying on a cot with an ice pack on her head. She looked up to Gaara waiting impaitently. She pulled herself up, "H-"

Gaara interrupted her, "It's about time you woke up,"

Sakura glared at him, "What happened?" Gaara smirked, "I hit you in the back of the head with a football,"

"YOU WHAT!! YOU LITTLE JERK!!!" She shouted shaking a fist. "You started it," he told her simply. "What!? HOW!?"

"You said I wore eyeliner," He told her. "WELL YOU DO!!! YOU EYE LINER, JERKY, REDHEADED AFRO MAN!!!" Sakura blew a fuse. "Whatever, at least I'm not a pink-haired, billboared browed, hypicritial bitch," Gaara replied clamly. "That's it! C-" she was interupted when Sasuke walked in, "Oh, hi, Sasuke," She giggled. Sasuke nodded and looked at her weirdly. But he had all rigths to, Sakura had her foot three inches away from Gaara's face and her fist five inches from his stomach. She laughed weakly and settled back to the cot.

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**After School With The Guys**

"Gaara!" Naruto yelled running after Gaara. Gaara turned around uninterested in what the knucklehead wanted. "Hey, C'mon, the guys and I always hide out behind the school and sneak in after everyone's gone and play Truth or Dare in Kakashi sensei's room," He explained turning around. Gaara's eye glistened in fascination and followed the spiky-haired boy.

**[Seven Thirty o'Clock**

Sasuke tied the boys' socks together to make a long rope and tied one end to a rock. He had thrown it up and broken Kakashi's window. "Naruto!!" Sasuke shouted annoyed. It was always Naruto's job to open the window before he left school, the janitors rarely checked for closed windows. Naruto shuffled his feet, "Sorry guys..."

The boys climbed up the stinky sock rope to the fourth floor where the window was located. One by one they all got in.

"Hey," Kiba said aloud. "Yeah?" Neji asked examining the damage of the window. "Where's Choji?"

Everyone stopped and stepped a little closer to the window. There was a blob of something lying on the ground below the window. "Oh my god," Kankuro said in horror. "Isn't that Choji's jacket?" Shikamaru asked staring at the fat blob covered in Choji's jacket. "Is that..." Naruto asked in disbelief "Let's all bow our heads in silence for the death of Choji Akamichi," Neji said.

[**Half a second later**

"OK that's long enough, now let's get down to business,"Sasuke said. They all froze when they heard a munch behind them. "Is that..." Naruto asked. "No," Sasuke said. They all turned around and to their horror, Choji was sitting on the floor eating chips. "CHOJI'S GHOST HAS COME TO HAUNT US!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Naruto shouted running in circles. "Stop it you idiot," Sasuke hissed hitting Naruto over the head. "Choji how'd you get in here!?" Kiba asked. "The front door,"

Everyone sweat dropped. "The front door?" Neji asked getting his dignity back together. "It's a school guys, not a bank," said Choji. "NARUTO!!" Sasuke shouted. "What?!!??" Naruto whined. "You told me they lock up the school at night!!"

"I SAY A LOT OF THINGS!!!" Naruto shouted back. Sasuke rolled his eyes in disbelief of his friend's stupidity. "WHY'D you tell us that the only way in was the window!?" Sasuke tried to calm down. Naruto fiddled with his thumbs, "Cause, I like to pretend we're spies..."

The group sweatdropped. "Troublesome," Shikamaru mumbled.

"OK, Neji, truth or dare?" Lee asked. Neji, trying to look tough replied as, "DARE!"

The group "ooo'd". "I dare you to.."

"MAKE OUT WITH TENTEN AT LUNCH TOMORROW!!" Naruto shouted. Neji blushed and Sasuke nodded in approval. "Fine," Neji muttered. "SAUSKE! Truth or dare?"

"Truth," He said simply. The group all muttered 'chicken'. "Is it true you still sleep with that stuffed lamb, Lamby-pie?" Neji asked raising his eyebrows. Sasuke looked down and didn't reply. The group laughed. "Lee, truth or dare?" Sasuke asked eagerly. "DARE YOUTHFUL ONE!"

"I dare you two..." Sasuke began.

"Go up to my sister and tell her she's pretty," Gaara spoke up. The group stared wide eyed. "Tell Temari she's p-pr-pretty?" Lee asked shaking his head. Everyone knew he had a crush on her and everyone knew she'd kill any guy who even looked at her besides her brothers. "You have to do it," Neji said bringing out the ballerina outfit and a camera. "Fine," Lee mumbled. "OK, Gaara," Lee began. "Truth or dare?" Choji asked. "Dare," Gaara put bluntly. "I dare you too..." Naruto began. "Ask Sakura to the dance this Friday," Sasuke smirked. Neji looked at him funny and whispered, "I thought you said you'd kill anyone who asked her out even though you won't,"

"I know," Sasuke grinned, "but I also know she hates Gaara and will make a big scene," Neji grinned. "Fine," Gaara said grinning as well.

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**The Next Day.**

Sakura walked to her locker the next morning, her eyes glued on the floor. By now everyone heard about the 'incident' yesterday. When she got to her locker she found a note taped to the door. She ripped it off and threw it on the floor, recognizing the hand writing. 'Gaara,' she thought to herself. She grabbed her books and went off to language arts with Kakashi sensei.

Class hadn't even started and she had already began falling asleep. But this dream wasn't like any other.

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_Sakura was walking into the school building to be greeted with a hug and kiss on the cheek by the one and only Gaara. "Hey honey," he said putting an arm around her. "Hey Sugar," She blushed wildly._

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"Hey Gaara, now's your chance," Sasuke whispered to the boy two seats from Sakura. The boy nodded, "After class," he said bringing out a football, smirking.

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_Gaara and Sakura held hands as they walked to their first period class. The entire school stopped and stared at the couple._

_They walked past Sasuke kissing and Sasuke stood there slowly ripping his Language Arts book to shreds. "I love you," She whispered in his ear._

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Sakura woke up when she heard the door slam indicating that Kakashi sensei had walked in. She sat in class that day thinking about her dream. _Do I like him? I mean what was with that dream? No, I hate him and love Sasuke..._

**Sakura Inner self:** THE HELL YOU DON'T!! THAT BOY IS MAD HOT!! SO WHAT IF HE HIT YOU IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND WEARS EYELINER!!? HAVE YOU SEEN HIS SIX-PACK** (A/N: Did I mention they had gym together and Sakura caught a glimpse of Gaara without his shirt on comin' out of the locker room? Oh course not. --')**!? I MEAN HOLY SHIT! HOTTIE!

_Shut up inner self!!! I wasn't talking to you!! I was talking to myself!! JEEZ!! YOU PERV!!!_

**Sakura inner self:** I am your self you dipwad!! And you know you were thinkin' it to!! Besides, we're the same person, if you call me a perv then you're callin' yourself one too!!

_JUST SHUT UP ALREADYY!!!_

Sakura shook away her thoughts and came out of her daydreams. She sighed and looked down at her note book. "Holy shit," she gasped to herself and quickly turned the page. She had been drawing hearts with Gaara's name in them the whole time. I hope Sasuke didn't see that...

Class had ended and she made her way out of the class room slower then usual.

"HEADS UP!!" an all too familiar call yelled as she got hit in the back by yet another football. "GAARA!!!" she shouted throwing her books down and storming up to him and the guys. "Hey Sakura, looks like Gaara can't stop hitting on you," Neji laughed. She gave him a death glare. "Okk...not funny,"

"YOU FUDGEN BASTARD!! WATCH WHERE YOUR FLIPPIN' THROWING THAT THING BEFORE I HIT YOU ACROSS YOUR FACE!!" Sakura shouted her face flushed. "Sakura," Gaara began. "WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU FREAKY BOY!!?" Sakura shouted. "Will you go to the dance with me this Friday?" Gaara asked rather confident. Sakura's gaw dropped. "N-" she stopped herself, "I'd love to," her inner self took control. Sasuke's mouth dropped opened as Gaara grinned.

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**Authors Note: I hope you enjoy please R&R or else I'll shave Gaara bald and blow up Sasuke. .**

**Sasuke: Oh my gosh! She's psycho!**

**Gaara: NOO!! NOT MY SEXY HAIR!!!**


	2. Drugs And Sasuke

**Chapter 2 ; Drugs and Sasuke**

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.

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**(The next day)**

Sakura walked to Language Arts alone that next day. She sat down in between Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke was busy being pissed off and Naruto was busy talking to Gaara. "Sasuke?" Sakura asked. No reply. She sighed. "Sasuke what's wrong?" She faintly heard a 'hmph' against the table. "C'mon! I didn't do anything!" Sakura said shaking Sasuke's arm. "Get off," he told her coldly. "Sasuke,"

"Just go hang out with lover boy over there," Sasuke told her laying his head back on the table. "You know what, I will," Sakura said getting up to go over by Gaara.

**Sasuke Inner self, Let's call him Sasbob: **You're an idiot.

"Excuse me?" Sasuke said aloud.

**Sasbob: **You're the one who told Gaara to ask that mental girl to the dance and now you're mad at her. You're so stupid. You need a therapist. No you need brain transplant.

"I need a therapist?! AT LEAST I DON'T CALL MYSELF 'SASBOB'," Sasuke shouted, standing up.

"Whose he yellin' at?" asked Naruto. Gaara and Sakura shrugged.

**Sasbob:** Yeah, maybe, but the author named me, not my fault. Besides you're the one who just shouted to no one and the class thinks you're on drugs.

"Hey Sasuke," Neji asked, "Are you on drugs?" Sasuke sweat dropped. "You're good," he told his inner self. Neji stared at him wide eyed, "OH MY GOD! SASUKE'S ON DRUGS!" Neji shouted pointing at him insanely. "What? Huh? WAIT!" Sasuke said. "Sasuke? Is that why you're so moody? I thought it was your time of the month," Kiba said laughing nervously. "He's not a girl," Tenten pointed out. "How do you know that? He sure looks like one," Gaara retorted. "Oh Gaara," Sakura giggled. "What!? I am not!" Sasuke shouted.

The door slammed shut as Kakashi sensei walked in. "Good morn-" he was interrupted by Ino, "SASUKE'S HAVING HIS TIME OF THE MONTH!"

"Ino," Kakashi started, 'He's no-"

"SASUKE DOES DRUGS!! HE EVEN TOLD ME SO!" Neji shouted. This was when Kakashi got interested. "Sasuke," said Kakashi, "After school would you like to talk,"

"WHAT!? HELL NO!" shouted Sasuke. "Well too bad, I'd like you to talk after school," Kakashi sensei fake smiled behind his mask. Sasuke sighed and sat down as class began.

**(Science)**

After having the entire school snicker at him about doing drugs, Sasuke was finally at his last period class, Science. "Sasuke," Anko sensei nodded as he entered and gestured him to her desk, "I heard about your problem," Anko carefully put, "Are there problems at home?"

"There are no drugs, Anko sensei,"

"Denial,"Anko shook her head as he walked to sit by Gaara. "How's your day," Gaara asked smirking. "hmph," was Sasuke's reaction. "Are you looking forward to your talk with Kakashi?" He asked grinning wider. Sasuke gave him daggers and returned staring at his notebook. "So tell me, how's it feel to be half man half women?" Gaara asked, clearly enjoying this. Sasuke didn't answer. "Uchiha," Anko said,_ 'Thank you...' _Sasuke thought to himself. "Tsunade wants to see you. She wants to talk about your 'problem' now with Kakashi," Sasuke sweat dropped.

**(After school)**

"SAKURA!" Ino shouted, running after her. Sakura turned around, her hair flowing in the wind. "Friday after the dance I'm having a slumber party, see you there?" asked Ino. Sakura smiled and nodded in agreement.

**(meanwhile with Sasuke...)**

"OH MY GOSH!! I DON'T DO DRUGS!" Sasuke was tied to a chair with all the teachers surrounding him in a dark room. "I don't think you're taking this seriously," Tsunade said, pointing the light at his face. "We don't want our higher students to set a bad example for the lower grade students," Tsunade explained. "THEN TALK TO GAARA! HE'S THE ONE WEARING EYELINER!! DO YOU REALLY WANT LITTLE BOYS THINKING IT'S ALRIGHT TO WEAR MAKE-UP!?? I MEAN C'MON! HE'S BASICALLY GIVING THEM PERMISSION TO BE A CROSS DRESSER!" Sasuke shouted obviously irritated.

**(next day...)**

"FREE KAWAII UCHIHA," There were THOUSANDS and I mean literally THOUSANDS of fan girls holding up signs, chanting and boycotting school until their beloved Sasuke was set free. He had been in the office with the teachers since yesterday. There were not only girls from school but also the old lady that lives down the road from him, the thirty year old lady who works at the market, his grandma, a few guys, and Itachi. Wait a minute! Itachi?

"HEY! I'm not in there, why ya say 'free the kawaii Uchiha'," asked Itachi, "I'm the sexy bastard,"

"cough No you're just the ugly bastard cough," some random person said among the group. Itachi sweat dropped and walked away in defeat.

Kakashi pushed his way out the door and in front of the group. "Now, now, CLAM DOWN. Sasuke will be fine after he's drug tested a-"

"THAT'S ONE OF THE ONES WHO'S TORTURING SASUKE!! GET HIM!!!!" His grandmother shouted and the fan girls attacked. Kakashi's screams could be heard into his office. "Is that...?" Gai asked. Sasuke grinned, "Never mess with insane fan girls,"

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**Authors Note: hope you liked it! Please R & R or Gaara with be hairless. MUAHAHAHA! And Sasuke, I have plans for him including a man-eating cow. :3**

**Sasuke: O.O DO WHAT SHE SAYS!!**

**Gaara: HAIRLESS! WHYYYY!!?**


	3. Gaara The Rapist

**Chapter 3 ;;**

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**(With Sakura)**

Sakura walked to her morning class alone. She walked in hearing the snores of the ones asleep, bitch slaps from the preppy fights, wheels against the floor from the skaters and a pencil being furiously pushed onto a sheet of paper by Gaara. She smiled.

"Hey Sakura," Naruto smiled. Gaara looked up from his notebook and smiled returning to his notebook. She sat down turning to her right to ask Sasuke for his homework because she didn't understand it. "Hey S-" _'Where's Sasuke..._she thought to herself.

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**(With Sasuke and the crazy fan girls)**

"FREE SASUKE, FREE SASUKE, FREE SASUKE!" The fan girls chanted. "OR PREPARE TO DIE!" Sasuke's grandmother shouted holding up a pitch fork.

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"They have Kakashi," Gai confirmed. Tsunade sighed, bashing her head against the wall.

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"LET ME GO!" Kakashi said muffled. He was being held hostage; he was tied to a chair, his hair was in a zillion tiny ponytails with various pink hair barrettes **(A/N: Not much of torture but if you think about it, after taking them out he'll have half as much hair. lol**), he was wearing neon green lipstick **(A/N: not his shade. lmfao.)**, purple eyeshadow, yellow eyeliner, and they had managed to slip him into a size 2 frilly pink dress, the dress almost ripping and him gasping for air, and they had shoved a blue high heel in his mouth. Needless to say if Sasuke wasn't let go soon, Kakashi may not live to see the next day.

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"Naruto," Sakura asked, "Where's Kakashi,"

Naruto looked around puzzled; which wasn't hard for him. "I don't know...I'LL FIND OUT!! BELIEVE IT!!" shouted Naruto punching the air. "Oh, Naruto," Sakura sweat dropped.

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"Sasuke just tell me," Tsunade sounded irritated, "Why are you doing drugs?"

"I'm not," he put bluntly.

"Th-"

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"Hey Kiba," asked Naruto. "..." Kiba replied. "...lift me on top your shoulders so I can reach that air vent, please," Naruto said with his best innocent look. "What!? No fatty. Your fatness will kill me and when you fall your fatness will break your fall,...fatty," Kiba replied. Naruto looked down at himself, "Sakura," he asked, '"Am I fat?"

Sakura sweat dropped. "Well you do eat a lot of ramen," Gaara poked him and turned back to his notebook. Sakura peered over his shoulder, Gaara moved over a little so she couldn't see. "Sakura?" asked Naruto as she kept trying to see Gaara's notebook. Sakura was really close to him when Naruto shouted "SAKURA!!!!"

Sakura jumped up and into Gaara's lap. She laughed nervously as he blushed when the class "awwww'd"

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Five minutes later of explaining to Naruto that he does eat a lot of ramen but he's not fat, Gaara helped Naruto into the vent.

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**(With Sasuke)**

"What is that?" Tsunade asked as thumps came from the vent above Gai sensei. "Let me find out," Gai's teeth shined as he smiled. "OH GOD!" Tsunade said, "I think I'm going blind! You really have got to stop brushing those things every ten minutes," Tsunade covered her eyes. "That rem-"

"NO," Tsunade yelled. Gai sweat dropped, "Fine," he muttered looking at that vent.

---

Naruto as above Tsunade's office trying to figure out how to get down. "I k-" he was cut off by a high pitch breaking of metal, "Oh snap," he muttered as a hand was feeling around his face.

---

"I got it!" Gai said grasping onto Naruto's nose and dragging him out the fist sized whole. "OW! Ow! OW! MY NOSE!!" Naruto squealed as he was let go. "Naruto, what are you doing here?" she asked. "To rescue Sasuke and find Kakashi sensei,"

"Take him," Tsunade sighed. "What!?" The teachers all shouted. "Let him go. We've done so many interrogations and tests and we haven't gotten anywhere. If this boy wasn't corrupted when he came in here, he sure is now," Sasuke sweat dropped, _thanks..._

**(Friday)**

Friday was a half day because of the dance. Sakura and Ino were in math with Asuma.

"OH MY GOSH!!" Ino shrieked, "You and Gaara are like, so cute together!"

Sasuke was behind them, literally tearing his notebook to shreds, "You OK?" Shikamaru asked. "I'm picturing this is Gaara's head, what do you think," Sasuke snapped back. "Troublesome," was Shikamaru's reply.

"Thanks," Sakura replied blushing. "Hey," Ino whispered, "Wanna irritate poor old Sasuke?" Sakura grinned and nodded.

"Oh Sasuke," Ino turned around. By now Sasuke was already half way done tearing Shikamaru's notebook to shreds, "Hmph."

"Dontcha think that Gaara guy and Sakura are cute together?" She asked. Sasuke's eyes were filled with rage, "No, he's a future rapist,"

"What!?" Ino's eyes got real big. "Yeah, I heard he moved here because he raped a girl at his old school," Sasuke said lying through his teeth. "WHAT!! SAKURA!" Ino shouted turning around, "YOU CAN'T DATE THAT CREEPY RAPIST!!" shouted Ino. "What!? He's not!" Sakura shouted shaking her head. "YEAH HE IS H-" just then Gaara walked in.

"HEY!! GAARA!!" Ino shouted running up to him. "Ye-" he was interrupted when Ino slapped him, "IF FOR A MOMENT YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA RAPE MY BEST FRIEND LIKE YOU DID THAT ONE GIRL I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!" She shouted. "WHAT!? I NEVER RAPED ANYONE!!" Gaara shouted looking rather lost. "SEE! HE NEVER DID!!" Sakura shouted siding with him. "Yeah he did!!" Ino shouted so the entire class was listening in. "AND IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA LAY A HAND ON HER I'M GONNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH AN ERASER!!" She shouted out of breathe. " I wouldn't," Sasuke said, "He might rape you too," Gaara sweat dropped as the class snickered. "I NEVER RAPED ANYONE!!"

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Asuma sensei walked to his room. "Good m-" he was interrupted, "I NEVER RAPED ANYONE!!" Gaara shouted. "Excuse me?" Asuma sensei asked. The class raced to their seats while Gaara stayed were he was. "I uh...was telling the class about when...uh...I...I mean Sasuke was making out with a pineapple in the locker room," Gaara said smirking as the class laughed. "Wow Sasuke, you're just a heap of trouble aren't you? First drugs and now dating fruit, what's next? Smuggling Texans into Florida?"

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**A/N: So, what'cha think? lol. R&R please or Gaara might have a **_**tragic **_**accident that involves a watermelon and a piano. MUHAHAHA!! And Sasuke might get a decent hair cut. lmao**

**Gaara: WTF!!?? NOOOOO!! SAVE ME!!**

**Sasuke: NOOO- WAIT!! A **_**decent**_** haircut!!?? What's wrong with it now?**


	4. It's A Girl

**Chapter Three**

**(Sakura's house)**

Sakura was looking at her reflection in the mirror; she was wearing a beautiful strapless black dress. The dress had a pink silk bow below the chest and wrapped around the back, fitting her curves perfectly. It was rather long, going a little above her shins. Sakura let her hair down with a pink head band keeping it from covering her face.

She sighed somewhat satisfied and made her way to front door right when the door bell rang. Gaara was breathless looking at the beautiful girl before him, Sakura blushed. Gaara was wearing a traditional black tuxedo **(A/N: I had nooo clue what he'd wear to a dance, so bear with me. lol) **with a cherry red vest and black tie.

"Well, don't you look handsome," said Sakura straighting his tie. "You, look...wow," Gaara said amazed. Sakura was now as red as Gaara's vest as he led her to the limo.

**(At the dance)**

"Hey Naruto," Neji asked, "Truth or dare?" Naruto thought...and thought...and thought.

"DUDE! PICK!" Sasuke yelled irritated.

"Dude, what's wrong with you," Itachi asked.

"THINGS!!!!" Sasuke shouted, people staring. Neji whispered to Naruto, "It's his time of the month, remember?" Naruto chuckled. Sasuke, has well great hearing. "IT'S NOT MY TIME OF THE MONTH! I'M NOT A FREAKIN' GIRL!!!!!" Sasuke shouted standing up and shaking a fist. The guys backed off and left Sasuke alone.

"OK, Dare," Naruto finally decided after three more minutes of thinking. "I dare you to ask Hinata to dance," Sasuke cooled down. "W-wh-H-Hinata?" he asked nervously. Naruto looked around the room, "Later..." the guys grinned. "Sasuke," Neji grinned as Sasuke crossed his arms. "To d-" he was interrupted when everyone gasped. Neji slowly turned to see what the hubbub was about.

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Sakura and Gaara took a deep breath and walked into the gym. Everyone gasped. As they walked the guys complimented on her looking 'hot'. She blushed and Gaara, when they walked past, would look back giving them a rude gesture.

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"To kiss Sakura," Neji grinned as Sasuke's jaw dropped. "But she's here with...him,"

"So?" asked Neji grinning, "You know you want to," Sasuke sighed pathetically and stood up.

----

Sakura and Gaara were holding hands by the punch bowl when Sasuke came up.

"Hi Sasuke," Sakura said smiling. "Sasuke," said Gaara nodding.

"Gaara," Sasuke said back. "Sakura, you look...gorgeous," Sakura blushed harder then when Gaara said she looked "wow". Gaara also noticed this, he gave Sasuke a 'Get the hell away' look but Sasuke ignored it. "Thank you," Sakura giggled. "So Sakura," Sasuke started to become nervous.

**SasBob:** Idiot, don't do it. It's too risky.

_Sasuke: But it's a dare, I never back down to dares..._

**SasBob: **Maybe, but that Gaara kid is like...a rapist and he can kill people...with his sand...

_Sasuke: Yeahhhh...I'm gonna do it..._

**SasBob: **WAIT! It could ruin your relationship with Sakura..

_Sasuke: You're right..._

"Yes, Sasuke?" Sakura giggled. " Never mind..." Sasuke sighed turning to walk away.

**SasBob:** OH HELL WITH IT!! KISS HER!! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL AND THAT RAPIST DOESN'T DESERVE HER!!!

Sasuke grinned at his inner self and turned around, "Sakura?" he asked.

"HERE IT COMES!!!" Neji said all excited. "Dude, you're creepy," Itachi said holding a balloon that says 'it's a girl' for Sasuke. "Oh and like that's not creepy?" Neji said rolling his eyes.

Sasuke slowly leaned forward. Sakura could feel his breath tingling her neck, "You're beautiful," he whispered in her ear before slowly and gently kissing her soft lips. Sakura was surprised and shocked but soon started to kiss him back.

Gaara on the other hand was having a mental breakdown. "WHAT!! NO!! WHAT THE HELL! STOP KISSING MY GIRLFRIEND!!! STOP ITTT!!!," He whined throwing his cup of punch on the two.

Sakura and Sasuke kept kissing, his arms soon found their way to her waist as did her hands to his hair. She ruffled it around a bit before making it's way to his neck.

"NOOOO! STOP IT!!! KAKASHI SENSEI!! STOP THIS CRAZY MADDNESS BEFORE HE GETS HER DOING DRUGS OR WORSE!!!" Gaara shouted tugging at his hair. Kakashi smiled, "Get a room you too,"

"KAKASHI!" Tsunade over herd it. "What?" he asked plainly. "Are you implying that these two should have...you know..."she wasn't comfortable saying it. "Well no, but then again, teenagers will be teenagers," Gaara's mouth was hanging to the floor. "WHAT!!??"

"Kakashi," Tsunade said surprised, "Are you saying the next dances theme should be, make out city?!"

"Well, it gives me a better reason to kiss Anko other then I fell and her lips caught my fall..." Kakashi trailed off. "YOU LIKE ANKO SENSEI!!??" Naruto asked over hearing their conversation. "And you think Sakura and Sasuke should have sex?" Shikamaru asked unemotional. "S-S-"Tsunade sputtered passing out. Obviously this was a word she didn't necessarily like. "Yes, but don't tell, and no, Shikamaru that wasn't exactly what I meant," Kakashi said staring at the now unconscious Tsunade. "ANKO SENSEI!!!!" Natruto shouted grinning. "I should've seen this coming," Kakashi sighed not worried.

Naruto was about to run over to the Science teacher when Kakashi put his foot out as he was about to take off running. Nartuo, begin stupid, fell for it and slung his cake acrossed the room into Anko's face. "FOOD FIGHT!!!" Kiba shouted throwing punch in Gai Sensei's face. Not a smart move. "FOOD FIGHT!!" Gai shouted like a teenager grabbing something, that just so happened to be Choji, random that was lying on the table. Gai threw Choji acrossed the room and on top of Gaara. He was knocked unconscious.

"Looks like I caused enough trouble," Kakashi said, "See you two Monday," he told the two who were eating each others faces off. Sasuke was now sitting in a near by chair with Sakura on his lap. They parted and it wasn't a second later before

"IT'S A GIRL!!" Itachi shouted shoving the balloon in his brother's face. "And all this time, I thought you were gay,".


	5. Sasuke's Grapefruit

**Chapter 5**

**------**

DISOWNER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. (Please excuse any typing errors, spelling errors, grammical errors ect...lol I typed this one up fast so yeahhh. )

**---**

"Good Night," Sasuke kissed Sakura on the cheek before leaving. Sakura was on the doorstep of Ino's house. She left the dance with him and forgot all about Gaara. She opened the door with great force making Ino, Tenten, Hinata, Temari fall to the ground.

"Ease droppers," Sakura smirked. "Nooooo, what you talkin' 'bout," Ino said looking around innocently. "Yeahhhh," Sakura said slipping her shoes off by the door.

The girls walked up the three stair cases to Ino's bed room, yeah, more like condo. The girls passed out on Ino's GINORMOUS bed. "You (breath) need a (breath) elev (breath) ator," Tenten exclaimed. "Seriously," Temari agreed. Ino grinned and pulled the girls to the floor.

"It's time for...Dare, Double Dare, pit Of Fire," Ino's eyes glistened.

**---**

**(Sasuke's House)**

"Heads up," Sasuke threw Kiba's pillow at his head. The boys were at Sasuke Mansion to stay over. "OK, you guys ready?" Kankuro asked sitting on the floor with popcorn. The guys all gathered around in a circle. "OK, we're gonna play Dare, Double Dare, Pit Of Fire," Kankuro said. "Whatever happened to truth?" Choji asked. "Well, this makes it more...interesting," Kankuro grinned, "So, Lee?"

"Uh D-"

"WAIT!!! Lee still has to tell my sister she's pretty,"Kankuro said **(A/N: By the way, Gaara's not at the slumber party thing because he's kill Sasuke in his sleep if he was. lol). **Lee's eyes widened. "Heyyyy Neji still has to make out with Tenten too," Naruto grinned.

**---**

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!!' The girls chanted. Temari dared Ino to chug down a mixture of ketchup, mustard, mayo, vinegar, hot sauce, cinnamon, melted strawberry ice cream, and horse radish. Ino almost threw up at the smell. "EWW!" she shouted running to the bathroom to no doubt barf and brush her teeth. The girls laughed, "OK, Hinata your turn," Tenten smirked. "Da-dare," said Hinata. "I dare you to...give Naruto a wedgie when you see him next," Tenten grinned. Hinata giggled and nodded in agreement.

**---**

"Sh guys, we have to make it past my parents," Sasuke whispered to the rest as they sneaked out of the house.

**------**

"SAKURA!" Ino shouted running in circles, "I CAN'T WRITE THAT!!! THERE'S NO WAY I'LL WRITE A LETTER TO SHIKAMARU TELLING HIM MY UNDYING LOVE FOR HIM!!!"

"Then I will for you," Temari said clicking a pen, "No that's Ok, I will," Ino's eyes got wide.

**----**

"Is this it?" Sasuke asked as they drove through Ino's block for the seventh time. "I think," Itachi said. " NO! IT'S THE YELLOW ONE!" Naruto silently screamed. "THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!! BLACK!!! IT'S FRIGGIN' MIDNIGHT NARUTO!!!" Sasuke shouted.

**----**

_Dear Shika,_

_Hi. Shikamaru, I've had this feeling inside for so long so I must confess something before it blows._

_Shikamaru Nara I love you. I've loved you ever since I met you. I knew you were the only one for me. Please, Shika, don't hesitate to tell me how you feel, 'cause I know how you feel, you feel it too, don't you? I can't hide my love forever. Sasuke was just my cover up but I'm letting myself come clean I always saw you in my dreams._

_Love,_

_Ino._

**------**

"OK, somebody give me a r-" Sasuke was interrupted by glass being broken. "Naruto," Sasuke sighed hearing a faint 'oops'.

**---**

"Oh my gosh! HA! I LOVE IT!!" Sakura yelled reading the love note. "I ha-" Ino was interrupted by a brick being thrown threw her window. The girls squealed and ran in circles. "SHUT UP!" random guys yelled crawling in the window **(A/N: They're wearing hoodies over their head so the girls have no idea it's the guys.)**. "AHH! RAPISTS!!! DIE!!!!" Sakura shouted kicking the head of the first one (Sasuke) coming through the window. "STOP DAMN IT! THAT'S MY HEAD!" He shouted grabbing her leg. "NO YOU DON'T!!" Ino shouted hitting the guy over the head with a base ball bat. "WHAT THE HELL! STOP!" he shouted grabbing her leg as well making her trip. "TAKE THAT!" Hinata shouted throwing what was left of the vinegar mixture in the boy (Naruto) face. " MOTHER OF PEARL!! MY EYES!!! IT'S BURNSSSSSS!" He shouted running in circles. "FUDGEN OFF!!" Tenten shouted quietly breaking a chair over another boy's (Neji) back.

By now all the guys were in the house piled up because of the girls vicious attacks. "HOW YA LIKE ME NOW PUNK!" Sakura shouted throwing the last punch at a boy (Sasuke) making him fall to the dog pile. "Now who are you!" Ino shouted hitting the base ball bat several time in her palm. The boys just groaned. Suddenly the boys sprang up as a gun was being loaded, "ANSWER THE QUESTION!" Temari shouted holing a shot gun. The boys quickly took off their hoods. "Oh shit," the girls said seeing the faces.

**----**

After a half hour of explanations and apologies the guys were laying on the floor with ice packs as the girls tended to them. "So," Sakura said holding an ice pack to Sasuke's forehead. "Who's [moan up for [moan Dare, double Dare, pit Of Fire," Kiba asked gently getting up.

**---**

After another five minutes of arguing why the guys should rest they were all in a circle. "Sasuke," asked Sakura. "Pit Of Fire," he said crossing his arms. The girls gathered in a huddle. The guys looked around and Sasuke started to lose his confidence. The girls giggled making their way back to their seats.

"I dare you to let Ino and I dress you up like a girl!" She smirked as Sasuke looked like he was going to have a mental break down. "NO WAY!!" he said backing up. "Yes way baby brother," Itachi laughed shoving his brother to the smirking girls. "AHHH!!" he shouted trying to break free from their grasps. "SHUT UP!" Ino shouted slapping him. "Thank you!" Sakura sighed tying him to a chair.

The guys watched amused. "Hey Ino!" Sakura shouted running in the room, "Yeah?".

"Orange or Grapefruit?" she asked grinning. "GRAPEFRUIT!!" All the girls shouted laughing historically. Sakura threw the orange behind her and went over to Sasuke. "Damn, what size bra does your mother wear?" Sasuke asked as Sakura was about to shove the fruit in his 'chest'. Ino slowly turned away, "Does it matter?"

"YES! I MEAN HOLY SHIT HUGE!!" said Sasuke. "Whose do you like more?" Itachi asked gesturing to Sakura. "ITACHI!" Sakura shouted throwing one of the grapefruit at him.

Five minutes later Sasuke had finished stage one of the process, he had a 'chest' of grapefruit, a mini skirt showing his rather hairy legs, a pink tank top and white ten inch heels. "MAKE UP!" Ino sang as she walked over with make up brush at hand. "Oh God," Sasuke sighed.

Seven minutes later and he was down with stage two the face, now time for the hair. "What the hell are we going to do with that chicken ass hair of yours?" Ino asked walking in circles. "I know," Sakura grinned holding scissors. "NO! THAT WAS SOOOO NOT PART OF THE DARE!!!" Sasuke shouted his eyes wide.

Another eight minutes and the girls successfully put his chicken butt hair in a zillion braids.

"Say cheese," Itachi grinned taking out his photo cell phone, as did the rest. "OH COME ON!!!" he shouted annoyed.

**---**

It was three am when the group sat down to watch a movie. Sasuke still tied to a chair and still looking like a girl. "Hey," Sasuke whispred to Sakura. Sakura turned as sasuke was leaning in for a kiss, "NOOOO WAYYYY!" Sakura fell out of her seat. "What? Why?" he asked hurt. "Because, I don't kiss girls,"

**---**

Half way in the movie Naruto whispered to Lee, "Hey, Lee, now's your chance," he grinned. Lee's eyes widened looking over at Temari, "What are you lookin' at?" She asked attitudey. "I was...Well you...Uh...um...I'm...you're pretty," He whispered and quickly turned away so she wouldn't see his blushing face. Temari blushed, "T-thanks...no ones ever...ever said that to me before," She whispered. Lee turned around shocked. He regained himself and reached for her hand. She did the same. When their hands touched they both blushed.

**----**

"Hey, Hyuuga," Sasuke whispered. Neji looked up and shrieked. "Oh sorry," Neji apologized, "You're just a really ugly girl,"

Sasuke sweat dropped. "Just make out with Tenten already," said Sasuke. "Wh-no-now?" he asked nervously. "YES!" Sakura easvesdropped. Neji looked at her weird, "DO IT!!!" she shouted everyone "shhh'd" her. Neji sighed looking at the beautiful girl beside him. _She's so beautiful...even when she's disgustingly devouring popcorn..._he thought to himself. "Tenten?" he asked. "Hm?" she asked turning to him and accidentally bumped her lips against his. She turned away and blushed. Neji slowly brushed his hand against her cheek as she turned back and they kissed.

"Hey, look," Shikamaru nudged Ino, "Looks like Hyuuga's in his happy place," Ino looked down. "What's wrong?' he asked. "It's j...it's nothing," she shook her head. "Tell me," Shikamaru looked concerned. "Well..just...here," she took the note from her pocket handing it to him before she left for her balcony.

**------**

**Authors Note: Well that was...interesting? PLEASE R&R!!! Or else...Gaara will be eating by cows, Shikamaru will be kidnapped and rasied by Elephants and Sasuke will explode. :**

**Gaara: OO...I have a phobia of Cows. **

**Sasuke: I don't wanna blow up!!!**

**Shikamaru: El-elphants?!! runs in circles**


	6. Kakashi's Death

Chapter 6

**Sorry I haven't posted in so long. school, ya know? Well here's what I came up with on short notice. :))**

---

Shikamaru just watched her leave sucking down on his drink. "Doofus, go after her," Kiba nudged him. "What?" Shikamaru asked watching the movie. "Go after Ino," Kiba repeated. "Yeah, yeah, I wore clean underwear, why?" He asked, his eyes glued on the TV. "I don't care about your underwear," Kiba exclaimed, "Now go after her!"

"Yes, yes, I know, I really need to get boxers, blah, blah, blah," Shikamaru ignored Kiba. Kiba rolled his eyes and went after Ino himself.

"Ino?" Kiba asked, his hands in his pocket. "Oh. Shika, I just new you'd come aft-" Ino turned around, "oh, it's just you," Kiba sweat dropped. "yeah it's just me," Kiba muttered walking back inside.

---

"Shika," said Sakura, "Go talk to Ino,"

"In a sec," he replied. "No now," Sasuke told him. "In a second," he exclaimed. "NOW!!!" they both yelled. "In a minute," he whined.

-----

Ino was looking at the stars when she heard a "AHHH! PUT ME D-" Sasuke threw Shikamaru through the open door. "Hi," Ino smiled to Shikamaru. "Hey," he said laying on the ground in a ball. Ino sat by him. "So, uh, yeah," Shikamaru said awkwardly. "Did you uh read the u-"

----

"What do you think they're doin'?" Sasuke asked, looking at Sakura. She shrugged, "Talking?" she guessed.

_5 minutes later..._

"You have any threes?" Neji asked Kiba. They were all waiting for the kiss that was sure to come. Kiba and Neji tried to pass the time by playing Go Fish. Neji hates this game. A lot. Kiba cheats at this game. A whole lot. "Nope, go fish," Kiba grinned

---

"The note?" Shikamaru asked taking out the note. He read the first word of it before saying, "Can I read it later?"

-----

"Do you have any fives?" Neji asked Kiba once again. "Go fish," Kiba smirked. "Bite me," Neji muttered.

----

"READ IT NOW!!!" Ino was shoving the note in the now drifting off Shikamaru.

----

"You have any queens," Neji asked. "Do you like fishing? 'Cause you seem to be doin' a lot of it," Kiba chuckled.

-----

"I. Do. Not. Wanna." Shikamaru whined laying face first on the floor. Ino was on his back trying to make him read her note. "NOW YOU LAZY PANDA!!!"

----

"Ok, do you have any sevens?" Kiba shook his head, "Any Kings?" Kiba grinned, "Twos? Fours? Sixes? Aces? Nines?" Neji sweat dropped. "Tens?" Neji asked crumbling his cards. "Go f-"

"I DON'T WANNA FREAKIN' GO FISH!!! YOU CHEATER!!!" Neji was now strangling Kiba to his death.

----

"Shikamaru," Shikamaru was now on top of Ino, not laying on her but on top of her none the less. "I don't wanna read the freakin' note," He told her softly, "I just wanna kiss you,"Shikamaru leaned in for a kiss.

They kissed under the night sky. "Awww," the group said together. "What huh?" Neji and Kiba stopped being idiots but missed the romantic kiss. 'DAMN IT!!" Kiba shouted. "YOU!!" Neji pointed at Kiba and tackled him once more.

"I love you," Ino giggled to Shikamaru, "I love you too," he whispered in the night air before stealing a kiss again. The group "aww'd" again and Kiba and Neji missed it...again. "C'MON!!" They both shouted disappointed.

-----

**(Monday)**

"Good morning class," Kakashi smiled to everyone. "How was every one's weekend?"

"Good Kak-"

"Would Kakashi sensei, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, Shikamaru Nara, Gai sensei, and Choji Akamichi, Kiba Inuzuka, and Gaara please come to the office," Tsunade said over the loud speaker.

---

**(In the office)**

"And Kakashi how could you imply that these two should ha- should hav- hav- oh you know," Anko was getting dizzy just thinking about it. "Gai, why did you throw poor Choji across the room!! You knocked out a student," Tsunade gave Gai a rather disappointed look. "Kiba, why did you try and start a food fight?," Tsunade was finally through with everyone. "Because of your misbehavior, I'm sentencing you all to cafeteria clean up duty after school for the rest of the week,"

"Me!? HAVE DETEN-DETENT- DETENTION!!!??" Kakashi fell to his knees. "NOOOOOOO!!!" he shouted banging his head against the floor. "What's wrong with him," Kiba asked. "Never had a detention in his life," Gai smiled. "Isn't it kinda weird that he's having his first one at like...78?" Naruto asked. "What?" Kakashi stopped wailing. "I'm only 26!" Kakashi exclaimed. "REALLY!?" The students asked amazed. 'But," Sasuke started. "Your hair..." Gaara gasped. "It's Gray," Sasuke finished and Kakashi sweat dropped.

------

**(After school)**

"Now kids," Gai started. "We must work very hard and make this place spotless!" the kids stopped talking and stared at him dumbfounded. "Time for Dare, Double Dare, Pit Of Fire!!" Naruto grinned as they all sat in a circle. "Or play some childish game," Gai sighed. "C'mon Kakashi lets get to cl-"

"Dare, Double Dare, Pit of Fire, Kakashi," Sakura smirked and Gai sweat dropped. "Uh, well...I guess...truth was always last...so that means pit of fire must be truth...so pit of fire," He said smartly. "You're stupid," Naruto said bluntly, "Now you have to do some outrageous dare," Kakashi sweat dropped as Sasuke and Sakura giggled back and forth. "OK," Sakura started, "I dare you to kiss Anko sensei tomorrow at breakfast," she smirked. "Wha-wha?" Kakashi stammered. "You gotta do it," Kiba grinned. "Or you'll die in seven days," Shikamaru added for effects. "I'l-I'll di- die!!??" He shouted. "Well n-" Sakura was cut off, "Yes, a horrible bloody death," Sasuke nudged Sakura. "Yeah!" Naruto shouted. "You'll first get strange phone calls at 3:07 am for two weeks, then all of a sudden you'll have nightmares of Anko making out with Gai,"Naruto continued as Kakashi glared at Gai, "The you'll mysteriously have an earge to go the bathroom at 4:57 am on the third week and something will shove your head in the toilet and give you 87 swirlies in a row, you will come out of the toilet completely bald," Kakashi clutched his hair, "Then one day you'll see Anko at the park and you'll walk after her but get blocked by a heard of ducks. You pet one and feed it a chocolate bar that appears out of thin air and won't have enough for the other five hundred and thirty-seven of them. They'll get pissed and corner you to a tree where you'll be mauled to death while Anko meets up with Gai sensei and laughs at you crying out for help," Naruto finished as the rest stared freaked out.

----

**Authors Note: **Muahahaha, what did you think? lol!! Well please R & R or Kakashi will be mauled to death, Gaara will be kidnapped by his fan girls and never be seen again, Shika will be swallowed by a land whale, and Kiba will be eaten by his dog. :)

Kakashi: Oo...help?

Shika: A land whale? OH MY GOSH!! NOOOO!

Gaara: NOOOO!! I'M TOO SEXY TO BE RAPED!!!

Kiba: NOO! HE WOULDN'T DO THAT!!!...would he...?


	7. Gai The Sexy bastard and Sasuke's Ass

Chapter 7

-----

"I'm gonna die!!" Kakashi shouted and everyone laughed.

------

**(The next day)**

Naruto was walking to the lunch room eagerly awaiting Kakashi's kiss when, "AHHHHH!!! NOOO!!! THE BATHROOM FAERIES HAVE COME TO GET ME!!!! NOOO!!!!" Naruto was being drug into the boys restroom. "Shut up, idiot," Sasuke smack the back of Naruto's head. "OH, hi," Naruto grinned. "Hi," Kakashi sighed grimly. He was sitting on a urinal while Shikamaru was gelling Kakashi's hair down. "MY GOD!!" Shikamaru shouted hitting Kakashi over the head several times. "STAY DOWN!!!"

"Why is-" Naruto decided he didn't wanna know. "We need your help," Sasuke sighed.

-----

"NO!" Kakashi yelled. "YES!!" The boys yelled back. "I LOOK LIKE A FRIGGIN' ORANGE!!!" Kakashi shouted throwing his hands in the air.

Kakashi was wearing Naruto's orange tuxedo that went to his shins and fit too tight. "OH MY GOD!!!" Shikamaru was still trying to keep Kakashi's hair down. "I'VE ALREADY USED FIVE FREAKIN' BOTTLES OF GEL!!!" Shikamaru shouted throwing the empty bottles at the wall. Everyone stared wide eyed. "DIE!!!" He shouted jumping on them. "Okkk..."

"YOU'RE NEXT!!!" he shouted to Kiba. Kiba ran out the door. "You," Shikamaru whispered pointing at Kakashi's head. "Will DIE!" Shikamaru grabbed the over twenty bottles of gel and hair spray the girls donated to the cause and dumped them on Kakashi's freakish hair. "HAA!!! I OWNED YOU!!!" he shouted with relief when it stayed down.

----

**(In the lunch room)**

Then Kakashi walked into the lunch room feeling particularly stupid for letting the boys help. Anko was on other side of the room talking to Gai. "Gai...," Kakashi whispered as he pulled Anko into a hug. "DIE!!!" he shouted running and ripping the tuxedo.

"NOO!" Naruto cried, "NOT MY SEXY TUX!!!"

"DIE!" He shouted again tackling Gai Sensei to the floor. "YOU WILL NOT STEAL MY FUTURE WIFE BITCH!" He shouted whaling at Gai's face.

"Wow" Sasuke gasped, "He's not so sissy after all,"

"KAKASHI!" Gai said through his fist. "DIE YOU COLD ASSED BASTARD!!!"

"ANKO'S MY COUSIN!!!" He shouted. "YOU D- your co-cous-cousin!!?" He shouted feeling rather stupid...again. He slowly got up wiping Gai's blood on Naruto's orange tux.

"Bl-blo-BLOOD!!!" Naruto started tearing up. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Kakashi?" Anko asked. Kakashi has completely forgotten she was there. "Wh-An-oh God what have I done," he muttered. "Kakashi?" she asked again, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Will yo-" she was cut off by Kakashi's lips quickly meeting hers as he turned around. It was on complete accident but he didn't tell the kids that. He quickly pulled away, "That wasn't suppose to happen," he mumbled shuffling his feet. Anko smiled and kissed him again. Kakashi smiled into the kiss when the kids cheered.

----

**(Class)**

Sasuke and the rest of the gang were waiting for Kakashi to come in and pry out every juicy detail out of him about the kiss.

"I wonder if she's a good kisser," Shikamaru thought aloud. "WHAT!?" The class shouted making Shikamaru jump from his thoughts, out of his seat, and into Ino's lap. Shikamaru blushed violently.

6 minutes later...

"Shika, I love you and all but you have a fat ass," Ino told him, "Do you mind getting off,"

Shikamaru nodded but couldn't move. His legs were like lead weights.

3 minutes later...

"Shika," Ino whined. "I can't," he told her. "Looks like Shikamaru's looking to get something," Itachi smirked. "EW! GET OFF OF ME!" Ino shouted. "I CAN'T!" Shikamaru shouted, "MY LEGS WON"T MOVE!!"

"Let me help," Gaara smiled sweetly grabbing a hold of a leg. "Me too," Neji grabbed the other. "Oh sh-" Shikamaru never got to finish that sentence because he was dragged off of Ino and to the floor colliding his head with the hard floor. He was unconscious.

Kakashi finally walked in with a cup of coffee and about a dozen donuts, he shoved three in his mouth. "Good Morning Class," he greeted but sounded more like, "Sasuke has a nice ass,"

The class eyeballed him, "What!?" Sasuke asked scooting his desk back."I said Good morning class," Kakashi repeated himself but sounded like, "Is it hot in here or is just Sasuke,".

"WHAT!!!?????" Sasuke shouted, horrified. "Never mind," Kakashi sighed but sounded like, "You'll be mine,". Sasuke hid behind Sakura. "What about Anko!?" he shouted. "Anko's doing just fine," he smiled but sounded like "Anko's not as fine,". Sasuke smirked, "We'll I am..pretty damn sexy," he said egotistically. "You're sexy?! YEAH MY GRANDMOTHER HAS NICER ABS THEN YOU!!" Kakashi laughed taking a sip of coffee but sounded like "You are sexy!! My God look at those abs!"; while doing so he splashed some in his eye and blinked at Sasuke looking more like a wink. Sasuke looked horrified, "How do you know what my abs look l- I DON'T WANNA KNOW!! STALKER!!!!!!!" Sasuke shouted running out the door.

Sasuke ran down the hall and into Gai's room. "GAI HE-" he was cut off when he realized what he was doing.

Gai was sitting on his desk with a bucket of ice cream, his lights off, and watching Spanish Soap Operas **(A/N: I used an online English to Spanish translator.)**. "¡AH ENRICA! ¡USTED CAN'T!! ¡MARIA ES DEMASIADO BONITO ESTAFAR EN!!" Gai shouted (Translation: OH ENRICA! YOU CAN'T!! MARIA IS TOO PRETTY TO CHEAT ON!!). Sasuke's mouth dropped open, he can speak spanish, he thought to himself.

"¡AH no! ¡MARIA! ¡No PASE ALLI!! ¡ENRICA no ES FIEL! ¡USTED LLORARA!! ¡USTED ES DEMASIADO BONITO LLORAR, QUERERME!" He wiped away a few tears (Translation:OH NO! MARIA! DON'T GO ON THERE!! ENRICA ISN'T BEING FAITHFUL! YOU'LL CRY!! YOU'RE TOO PRETTY TO CRY, LIKE ME). "Ah, la espera, yo no soy bonito, soy un bastardo atractiva," He grinned in a near by mirror (Translation: Oh, wait, I'm not pretty, I'm a sexy bastard). "Ah, Gai, usted es un hombre atractiva que mira. No es de extrañar usted no puede mantener a las mujeres lejos usted," He winked at himself in the mirror (Translation: Oh, Gai, you are one sexy looking man. No wonder you can't keep the women off you).

Sasuke stared wide eyed."Oookkk," he slowly walked out of the room and down the hallway.

---

**Authors Note:** Welllllll Ok, It was a little weird. lmao. It not that funny. :(. Eh, I tried. Please R & R or Gaara will be given 57 swirlies and come out bald.

Gaara: NOOOOOO!!!


	8. Kakashi's Bisexualness & Naruto's Death

**Chapter Eight**

-----

(the next day)

"Hey Sakura!" Ino yelled running after Sakura on the school yard. Sakura turned around to see her over excited friend. "GUESS WHAT I JUST HEARD!!??" asked Ino panting. "Hmm?" Sakura asked not interested at all.

**Sakura Inner self:** Look at that fine man over there

_Sakura: I know, Sasuke's such a hunk._

**Sakura Inner Self:** Oh, you know it girlfriend!

_Sakura: OO don't ever call me that again._

"And like I can't like believe that he's cheating on you with like that new girl Darrien," Ino went on and on.

_Sakura: Crazy girl say wha?_

"Crazy girl say wha?" Sakura asked just picking up the last part. "I know this is hard for you here but I heard it from my boyfriend Shika and he heard it from Neji who heard it from Naruto who heard it from Kakashi who heard it from Tsunade who over heard Tenten and Hinata who heard it from Kiba who saw them together yesterday and all of a sudden he has a hickie on his neck and I don't think it's from you," Ino was turning blue from talking so much without air. _Darrien, hickie, cheating, Kiba, yesterday, CHEATING!! _Sakura was taking in all that Ino had said.

"Dead," Sakura whispered softly as she shoved her books against Ino, gesturing her to hold them. "Ohhhh, the hoe's going downnnn," giggled Ino.

Sakura made her way over to Saskue who just conveniently was wearing his jacket collar up in an attempt to cover the love bit on his neck.

"Good like Uchiha, here comes your crazy girlfriend and there she goes punching bystanderd number one,"

Sakura was fast walking over to Sasuke and his friends. She was passing a group of younger girls standing by a tree when she herd,"Hey Sa-" a girl from her math class was interupted by Sakura's fist. "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY, BITCH,"

Sasuke gulped. "What the hell did you do?" Naruto asked. "He's cheating on Sakura," Neji explained. "YOU'RE WHAT!!!??" shouted Naruto jumping up and down, "YOU CAN'T JUST CHEAT ON A GODDESS LIKE HER!!" Gaara sat in the background smirking at the scene.

"SASUKE UCHIHA!!?" Sakura stood firmly infront of the boys. "Yes?" He asked ignoring the blonds scolding. "Are you cheating on me?" she asked softly. "YEAH HE IS! HE'S A JERK AND YOU SHOULD DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW!" Naruto shouted. "...Because if you are I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU ANF HER AND IT'S GONNA INVOLVE A LAWN MOWER!"

"YEAH! YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!!" Naruto snapped his neck back and forth as though a girl would. "I'm not cheating on YOU," SasuKE put simply. "THEN WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR NECK THEN, HUH!?" Sasuke shouted, putting her hands on her hips.

By now a scene of people were crowded around listening.

"What thing?" Sasuke asked. "THE HICKIE FROM THAT TRAMP!"

"YEAH, THATS RIGHT! DON'T WANna MESS WITH HER! YOU GO GIRL-FRAND!" Naruto shouted snapping. "There is no hickie," Sasuke told her, removing the jacket. "OH YEAH THEN WH-" There appeared to be no mark on the Uchiha's neck. "YOU KNOW WHAT!? HE'S PROBABLY COVERING IT! C'MON JUST KICK HIS ASS GIRLFRIEND!" Naruto put his hands on his hips. "STOP FUCKING CALLING ME GIRLFRIEND!" Sakura turned around and back handed Naruto leaving a rather large red mark.

_Sasuke: HOLY SHIT! Am I dreaming or is Naruto getting the shit beaten out of him by my girlfriend!?_

**SasBob: Ha! This is halirous!!**

_Sasuke: I don't know how I feel about this..._

**SasBob: DUDE!! Naruto's getting the shit beaten out of him by your girlfriend, on the school yard for all to see when your face should be the one her fist should be digging in. What's not to love!? And if I do say so myself, Darrien's make-up looks rather nice on you, you sexy thing.**

_Sasuke: I guess you're right, I got both girls and I got to see Naruto get killed. This is the life...Oh and never call me sexy again._

**SasBob: Sexy**

_Saskue: Stop it!_

**SasBob: Whatever you say you sexy thing.**

_Sasuke: OO_

**SasBob: Ohhh yeahhh, I'd hit that baby, sexy sexy sexyyyy.**

_Sasuke silently made his way from the crowd and up the school stairs._

**SasBob: Hey honey, do you think there's a chance you'd come over tonight, sexy. Mayeb if I, bought you a drink. Huh, my little sexy baby.**

"STOP CALLING ME SEXY!! YOU FREAK!" Sasuke shouted. Everyone stared at the Uchiha yelling at what seemed to be Kakashi standing at the door. Even Sakura took time away from pounding Naruto to look up.

-------

**Authors Note: OK, that really bit and wow, that's alottttt of cursing. Sorry guys, that wasn't all that great but I tried. :) Look on the bright side Naruto got beat up by Sakura. lol. Please R & R and I'll continue. :)**

_**BLOOPERS.**_

_Director: OK, everybody let's take it from the first punch. OK, Ready? ACTION!_

Sakura was making her way over to Sasuke when a girl from math class interupted her, "Hey Sa-"

"SHUT THE FU- OW MY FUCKIGN HAND!! I PUNCHED THE FUCKIGN TREE! MY GOD! OW!!"

_Director: CUT! -sighs- this could be a long night._

Sakura: I thought this tree was just a prop!!! Not a real one!

Naruto: -hold ice pack to face- Yeah, I thought you weren't actually going to punch me.

Sakura: Oo Do you want a re-take?

Naruto: OO...n-n-no.

_Director: Enough, enough! Let's just take it from Sasuke's sexy scene, OK, everybody ready? ACTION!_

Sasuke: I don't know how I feel about this, I mean Naruto's being beat up by a girl I c- CUT! I CAN'T SAY THIS SHIT! I SOUND LIKE A QUEER -girl voice- OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS!! OH COME ON!

Naruto: -talks to yuorself- You not only sound like a queer...you are one..

Sakura: -sneaks up behind Naruto-

Naruto: -eats cake-

Sakura: -gives naruto atomic wedgie-

Naruto: AHHHH!!!

_Director: --' -ingores Sakura && Naruto- Sasuke, I am just your employer, your boss if you will, if you have a problem with the script go tell the writer. OH, wait, I am the writer and your boss SO DEAL WITH IT YOU SISSY BOY!_

_NOW, READY, OK, ACTION!!_

SasBob: You're so sexy

Sasuke: Yeah I know, so's the director, sexy like me SEVENTY-TWO YEAR OLD FART ASSED UNCLES HAIRY FOOT!

_Director: CUT! SASKUE!!! COME HERE._

-Sasuke walks over to director-

_Director: -speaks calmly- go open that door over there -points to door that says 'MUAHAHAHA!!'-_

Sasuke: OO...do I have to?

_Directo: yes._

-Sasuke walks over to door and slowly opens it.

Fangirls: AHHH!! OH MY GOSH!! IT'S SASUKE UCHIHA!!! -Girls glomp Sasuke-

Sasuke: FUCK!! NO! HELP! DON'T TOUCH ME!!! AHHHHH!!

_DIRECTOR: ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM THEY'D LIKED TO VOICE?!_

Cast: -shake heads quickly-


	9. Sasuke's Deadly Lofa Sponge

**Chapter Nine ;;; SASUKE'S DEADLY LOFA.**

---

Ahhhh, yeah, so, I'm gonna try to liven up this story. :) Make it more funny. :) So, this'll be interesting. oh, if I get enough reviews I'll post again tonight 'Cause I got like a week of from school. I'll be up all night, perfect time to type. :) So pleaseeeeee R & R!!

--

Yeah, i have too much fun naming my chapters. lol. Yeah, Ok soo the storyyy! OH, yeah, excuse spelling and grammar my little helper didn't have time to check it so yeah. :)

--

(That night)

Ino looked herself over in the mirror, "Hm, I look so hot in this black mini," Ino flipped her hair back and started putting on war paint. "Sure you do," Tenten smirked as she put on her black hat and gloves. "AWW! YOU LOOK SO CUTE!" Ino exclaimed hugging her furry cat, Luna, to death. "LUNA COME BACK!" Hinta shouted running into the room with little cute black boots. "black boots...for the cat?" Tenten asked staring. "WHAT!!?? Can't a cat look sexy in black boots," Ino asked, rummaging through her drawer. "Not when the cat is a boy," Tenten sweat dropped as Ino put a little black bow in the cats long hair. "AWWWW!! MY LITTLE CROSS DRESSER!!"

**(A/N: Psh, I forgot. The girls are gonna find out if Sasuke's REALLY cheating on Sakura.)**

--

Sakura was making mac and cheese in her kitchen that night. She flipped on the TV as she filled the pot with water.

"And not only is Kakashi being faced with charges of calling a male student sexy but he's faced with charges of giving private tutoring to more then fifty male students these past years and the whole time being bisexual," Sakura dropped the pot. "WHAT!!?" She grinned as she whipped up the water, "Kakashi gets in the weirdest messes,". She re-filled the pot and started pouring macaroni in it. "I wonder what Anko thinks about this," she thought self-conscientiously.

---

Kakashi was laying on his bed that night with law papers spread all over the place. He sighed, "Uchia, what have you done now,". He turned to his side just as the phone rang. "Hello, Anko? Yes, what??! NO! Uchia wasn't talking to me. WHY WOULD I CALL HIM SEXY!!?? MY GOD! THE BOY HAS AN OVER BITE! Well...you have a cute over bite..and besides," Kakshi stopped to turn on his back, "I only think you're sexy,".

Kakashi herd Anko's vicious giggling and smiled.

----

"WHERE IS IT!?" Ino quietly shouted as she and Tenten scaled Sasuke's house while Hintan and Temari stayed in the get away van. lune, Ino's cat was in Ino's backpack. "I DON'T KNOW! JUST PICK A DAMN WINDOW AND WE'LL GO FROM THERE!" Tenten quietly shouted, a little louder then Ino, and shoved her in a window.

The girls fell with a thump in what appeared to be a bathroom. "EWWW!" Ino shouted very quiet. "What?" Tenten asked just as quiet as she realized someone was in the shower and tensed up a little. "My face. Boxers. Sasuke. EW!" She sputtered. Tenten froze, Sasuke...in the shower...She looked at the cloudy glass and saw a shadow of a slim figure. Tenten regained herself and started to grin, "How do you know those are Sasuke's?". Ino froze, "I...well...I...uh, I didn't...you know sneak in her before ran into his room and grabbed these same exact boxers and gave it to him for Christmas after I coped them a thousand times on the Library copier if that's what you were thinkin'..." She giggled nervously. Tenten's eyes grew big. "Tell me this was BEFORE you fell in love with Shikamaru,"

"WELL DUH!!" Ino said a little too loud.

"What!? Who!?" Sasuke turned to the shower door. '"Is someone there!? I HAVE A LOFA AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!" He shouted grabbing the handle. Tenten and Ino stopped to snicker, "OHH WOWW!! A LOFA! SOOO DEADLY!" they laughed. "OK, I reallyyyyy don't wanna see him, see him so HIDE!" Tenten shouted quietly.

The girls scrambled to their feet. "Uh," Ino looked around hurriedly. "AH-HA!" She opened the toilet. "YOU CAN'T FIT IN THERE!!" Tenten rolled her eyes. Ino sweat dropped and pointed to the cat as she shoved him in the toilet. Tenten stared feeling and for the cat but quickly moved to the bathtub and hide in it as she herd the door click as it was opened. Ino on the other hand hid inside the cupboard under the sink and threw her backpack in the hot tube.

_Ino: Wow. He has a HUGEEEE bathroom. Gosh, five mirrors, a hot tube, a bathtub, a shower, a gold toilet, ANDD a toaster!! I WANNA MARRY THIS BOY FOR HIS BATHROOM!!_

**Ino Inner self; You wanna marry him for his bathroom?! HE HAS A TOASTER IN HERE FOR GOD SAKES!!**

_Ino: yeah! a DIAMOND plated toaster!!!_

**Ino inner self; -sweat drops-**

----

Sasuke stepped out of the shower and looked around. He sighed in relief. "It's just my mind playing tricks on me,". Just then, "Hey little br- WOW! GOD! DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT!!" Itchai shouted walking into the bathroom. "GET OUT YOU FREAK!!" Sasuke covered...himself up. Itchai grinned as he walked out, "MINES BIGGER!!" Sasuke sweat dropped as he got back into the shower, "Whatever," **(A/N: -smriks- whattt? I couldn't resist. lol.)**

-----

(With sakura)

Sakura laid on her bed doing math homework. "Blah, blah, blah, I DON'T CARE!!! IT'S TOO FRIGGIN' HARDDD!!" Sakura shouted reading the problem over and over and over. "WHAT IS TWO PLUS TWO!!!??" She banged her head off the book. she stared at her math homework, "Ah well, I just draw Sasuke's name all over it again and make Ino's cat eat," She smiled to herself.

----

Muahaha, it was kidna weirdly funny, right? Well, as I said before, if I get enough reviews I'll update tonight. I have like a week off from school so I'll be up all night. Perfect typing time. So please, R & R!!

_**Bloopers**_

_Director: OK, now I know that the cast is oh so upset that Sasuke can't be here because he died last night bu-_

_**Sasuke:**__ I didn't die..._

_Director: But wouldn't it be lovely if you did?_

**Naruto:** Give me an ax and a shinny penny and I'll do it.

**Sasuke:** -stares-

**Ino:** OHH!! AFTER NARUTO KILLS OFF SASUKE CAN WE GET JOHNNY DEPP TO PLAY HIM!!??

**Sakura;** JOHNNY IS SO HOT!!

**Girls:** -squeal-

**Sasuke**: -looks afraid-

-------------------

_Director: OK EVERYBODY!! Let's take it from the top!_

"LUNA COME BACK HERE!!" Hinta shouted running in with black boots. "Black boots...for the cat?" Tenten asked staring. "WHAT!!?? Can't a cat look sexy in black boots," Ino asked, rummaging through her drawer. "Not when the cat is a boy," Tenten sweat dropped as Ino put a little black bow in the cats long hair. "AWWWW!! MY LITTLE CROSS DRESSER!!" Tenten stared. "Crossdre- You know I don't even wanna kno-"

**Guy in audience: HAHAHAHAHA!! THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!**

_Director: Please, sir SHUT IT! -sighs- Let's just take it from scaling the wall. ACTION!_

"Dundundundunnnnn we're scalin' a wall and w-" Ino's stupidness was cut off

**Guy in Audience: OH MY GOD!! THAT IS THE MOST FUNNIEST THING EVER.**

_Director: OK FUCK YOU PAL! SHUT UP OR I'M GONNA HAVE RED AFRO BOY KILL YOU!_

**Gaara**: -looks annoyed- red afro boy?

_Director: Get over it. You have red hair and it's big. Besides, I can never remember your name!_

**Gaara:** It's Gaara.

_Director: yeah, yeah whatever Panara. NOW ACT-_

**Guy in audience: WOW. THIS IS SO FLIPPIN' FUNNY, I'M BUSTING A GUT OVER HERE!! -fake laughs- WOO-WEEE. WOW, I JUST LOVE YOU AND THIS SH-**

_Director: -leaps into audience and starts strangling guy- DIEE!! YOU MOT-...Gai? Is that you? Oh God. -stops strangling Gai.-_

**Gai**: Haha, that's funny.

_Director: if you don't shut up I'm seriously gonna have to wax your eyebrows._

**Gai:** M-m- my beautiful eyebrows!!?? -spontaneously gets up and attacks a man for popcorn-

**Cast:** -rolls eyes-

_Director: ANYHOWW! ACTION!_

**Gai:** -makes his way back to seat with popcorn- Excuse me, pardon me. MOVE IT FAT ASS!!

_Director: -severely annoyed and grabs near by gar and begins walking towards Gai- Hi Gai._

**Gai:** Hi, i Bob.

_Director: Sure you are. Gai do me a favor...SIT STILL YOU BASTARD!!! -jumps on Gai and begins pouring wax-_

_Screams can me herd throughout building._


End file.
